Actionable Aspirations: Living In Good Conscience with Dharma
Walk your own path, lead your own way.
Health and happiness are deeply connected; we digest better, appear more radiant and even notice a reduction in pain when life is going smoothly. We naturally desire happy relationships and social connection; all living organisms are driven to find love and meaning in life. Two questions can help us work towards attaining these aspirations:
How can we enjoy the roles and responsibilities we already have, even difficult ones?
How do we ensure that we aren’t holding on to unhealthy patterns of relationship in the process?
Let’s revisit the concepts of Dharma (duty). From the moment you were born, you roles in the world began. You were someone’s child, grandchild, sibling, niece or nephew, etc; you were in relationship with others. This is your first experience of dharma - how you carry out those roles. As we become adults, we take on friendships, intimate relationships, work relationships…and each of them teaches us lessons about life, about ourselves and how we show up in the world. Consider that each of us was intentionally born into our lives to experience the roles that we need to evolve in spirit.
But everyone agrees that relationships are complex and often the cause of anger, grief and distress. Relationships have been the subject of most human story telling, because there are so many layers of pain and suffering as well as as sweetness and joy. The same person who made your heart melt a year ago, can trigger resentment today. The hurt you felt from a betrayal a decade ago may still feel like a fresh wound. How do we navigate this complex subject?
As a start, consider the practice of acknowledging and accepting the roles you currently have. Whether it is your family, friends, work or other relationships, accept that these are the roles you are meant to play at this stage of your life, and learn to celebrate and play them well. Consider that the Vedas guide us to seeing life as a bit of a game, an illusion called maya. On the surface, we are part of this performance and the play can be enjoyable and successful if we each do our part in it. It can be helpful to remember that each of us is a part of a larger community, and when we do our bit and help each other, everyone benefits. Living in an individualistic mindset where relationships are only about what we receive from others, can leave us feeling isolated and fragile. Find joy in the relationships that you have, and make the most of the opportunities they give you - even the ones that test your patience and tolerance (think of them as the greatest evolutionary opportunities!). Everyone has made mistakes in a relationship, without exception, and forgiveness is a powerful tool to allow you to continue to thrive in your roles without bitterness. Have faith that living in your dharma will pave the way towards new opportunities tailored just for you - the universe has your back.
Of course, there is a limit to everyone’s patience. Having healthy boundaries is part of good health, and unhealthy or imbalanced relationships can distort our perception and even create illness. We aren’t formally taught how to have healthy relationships, but our early relationships are often the model or predisposition we carry. While that is a complex issue outside of my bounds, a good start to healthy boundaries in relationships is to prioritise your health, because
Your first dharma is to yourself.
Vedic literature suggests that everything we see and experience on the outside, is a reflection of what is going on inside us. We perceive the world through our five senses; sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Then the central processing unit, the mind, uses this information to tell us how to feel about our environment, and how to behave accordingly. The modern world quickly overstimulates the sense organs, making us more reactive and distracted. The mind is a complex entity that is filled with habits, reactions, expectation and old stories - these colour our ability to see what is in front of us, especially if the mind is constantly running and untrained.
If the sense organs and mind are disturbed, inflamed or foggy from overstimulation or illness, we have a limited ability to see situations clearly. How can you tell? The same energy that fuels the body, also fuels the mind. if you experience physical signs of pain or discomfort, notice how they tie into emotional reactions and mental suffering. The mind and body are reflections of each other - everything is connected. It takes a level of discipline and discernment to perceive reality as it is, because the mind is full of it’s own preconceived ideas and impressions. Start by taking the time to bring balance and positive energy your body and mind through diet, lifestyle, sleep and routine. Once your inner world is calm and balanced, your outer world will start to reflect the same as you are able to prioritise and make decisions with clarity, and maybe find moments of joy in living your dharma.
“Perception, precedes reality.”
— Andy Warhol, artist
