The Myth of Normal in Mental Health
With all the shows, books and podcasts about finding happiness, are we at risk of toxic positivity?
“By injecting our children with a small amount of a pathogen (immunisation), we feel confident this will strengthen their immune system; it will build their biological immunity so their bodies will cope better with that pathogen in the future. And this is exactly how psychological resilience works. When we are exposed to manageable personal challenges, such as pain, failure or loss, we strengthen our capacity to cope with these experiences in the future. Our negative experiences in life literally build psychological immunity.” - Dr Brock Bastian, The Other Side of Happiness
Does this sound controversial? The new wellness trend that is catching waves is called ‘good stress’, which challenges the typical idea that stress is bad for our health and something we should avoid all the time. Stress has been labeled the bad guy, and while it was initially linked to physical health issues such as peptic ulcers, heart disease and cancer, it is now synonymous with common mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. So while we all want to buffer out or avoid stress as much as possible, are we compromising on the opportunities a challenge can give us? And is this ‘cotton wool lifestyle’ driving the increase in addiction and mental health issues?
Brock has a PhD in social psychology and has been researching the interesting balance between pain and pleasure for over two decades, most recently at The University of Melbourne. He describes how opposing emotions co-exist at big moments in our lives such as during birth, sex, stress, illness and death. There are some great stories in there such like anecdotes from All the Pain That Money Can Buy (a biography of Christina Onassis, one of wealthiest women in the world), and digs at the ‘cotton wool’ Gen Y and Gen X helicopter parents. While it’s quite a technical and science-heavy book filled with research studies and multiple citations, there were a few important messages on how chasing pleasure and avoiding discomfort can weaken physical and mental resilience:
Our bodies are designed to tolerate and even positively adapt to stress: Hunting and gathering involved walking long distances, exposure to extreme weather, periods of hunger and contact with predators. The fight or flight response helped us stay alive and often succeed in difficult situations. Survival of the fittest meant that the strongest and most resilient of our forefathers continued the species; we are a product of their genetics. When there is inadequate physical and mental challenge, we lose the bandwidth to adapt to changing conditions, effectively going backwards in an evolutionary sense.
Having many options leads to greater dissatisfaction: As an example, frequent use of dating apps such as Tinder was linked to feeling less satisfied with one’s appearance, and less contented with friendships and relationships in general. Surprisingly, this lack of satisfaction fuelled more use of the apps and more partners in a similar way to how drug addiction can spiral out of control in order to get a high.
Numbing pain has a cost: And that cost is pleasure. Numbing pain with analgesics such as paracetamol actually reduces our ability to experience emotional highs and lows. Having a low threshold to discomfort from frequent pain relief comprises the sensations of pleasure and pain. Think about how common Panadol and Neurofen are; used freely for everything from headaches and sore muscles to menstrual pain and a cold. The more often we use these drugs, the less sensitised we are to our emotions, which are key instruments in how we make decisions each day.
Painful experiences create a more connected society: After disasters such as floods, tsunamis, wars and even 9/11 in the USA, researchers found that people became more helpful, connected and understanding of each other and had to learn to become stronger and more resilient themselves. As global wealth increases, we need to ask ourselves what we are chasing, and what the cost is. Affluent societies report feeling more isolated, judged and anxious despite an easier life, which people who live communally and rely on each other for basic necessities such as food, water, safety and childcare (which more closely resembles how human beings lived for thousands of years) report greater satisfaction and happiness.
This article is not an idealisation of pain and hardship, nor a nudge towards masochism. Its a suggestion that we need to know when and why we should avoid stress, rather than always choosing pleasure and convenience. Consider this a reminder of how strong and resilient you are, and to uphold your health, dreams and integrity because they are a natural part of your evolution.
